Shall we Sing a Song for you?

Rumours that this site has gone to the dogs have been greatly (well, mildly) exaggerated. I could post lots of dissertation stuff, but most of you have absolutely no regard for church history, so I won’t bore you. Suffice to say I spent Saturday bashing Isaac Watts in the first chapter of it – a man who, as well as basically denying the inspiration of Scripture, was ‘only a short step from Arianism’ in his beliefs (Dictionary of National Biography). The thought crossed my mind that I could change my dissertation into attempting to prove that every hymn writer that’s ever lived has been a heretic, but I fear it would take too long. Just in case I try and revive the idea at a later stage – anyone have any dirt on Derek Thomas?

Oh, and one of the things on the reading list for my tutorial tomorrow is a little book called The Covenanters in Ireland by Adam Loughridge. What? You’re still not interested? Oh.

I suppose with Renwick’s final league match taking place tomorrow (DVWP as they say), a few words on last week’s meaningless friendly with Derryvolgie might be in order for the sake of the records. The holding off of the report wasn’t (entirely) due to bitterness, as Rosie was away on a well-deserved holiday and only sent me the last of the photos today. So, without Freddy Adu:

After a poor start the previous week, Renwick started well. I had a shot saved before Mark gave us the lead with a volley from just inside the area. Except he didn’t, because as they were about to kick off, one of their subs decided to play a game of linesmen and started trying to claim that the goal was offside, despite the fact they’d a player on the line. But, with them reffing the match there was nothing we could do and the goal was chalked off. If it had counted, we’d have been 8-0 up by half time. As it was, we continued on, but the goals weren’t coming just yet. We finally took the lead about 20 minutes when Phil forced a corner. The corner was hit in low, Jonny missed / dummied (delete as appropriate) it and I poked it in with my left foot for my 10th of the season. Barely a minute later it was 2-0 as Simon broke down the left wing and sent in a cross aimed in my direction, but which flew perfectly into the net.

That however was where it all went wrong, as Renwick clearly forgot that we had come back from 2 goals down last week, and every Tom, Dick and Harry piled forward looking to get on the scoresheet. This of course left gaping holes at the back, and Derryvolgie pulled one back about 5 minutes before half-time, although Jonny maintains it was offside. As if that wasn’t warning enough to us, just before the break they got it back to 2-2, which at the time was the most undeserved scoreline in footballing history.

At half-time we were all convinced that we just had to play as we’d been playing for most of the half to re-take the lead. Derryvolgie however came out and played far better, which didn’t help our cause. They also played with 12 men for a few minutes, but that was more due to general incompetence than a desire to cheat. We did have chances to win the match. Phil ran through on the keeper, and with Walker all alone in the middle of the box with no defenders near him, Phil opted to shoot and hit the ball straight out. Then they scored an offside goal, which was shockingly ruled offside by Young Hawthorne the referee (he had to take over when the original player doing ref was completely losing control of the match). We then had another great chance to win it in the last few minutes as Strob did well to break into the penalty area down the left, but as he ran parallel to the touchline with me free in the middle he shot into the side netting rather than passing. Then, to add insult to injury (we would have been gutted with a draw at this stage), in the 17th minute of stoppage time they went down the pitch and scored, with (literally) the last kick of the game. However, if it hadn’t gone in we’d have been still playing, so at least we got to go home.

“You don’t know what you’re doing”

Steelo scores

Simon scores

Head tennis

Me on the ball

“Ted, I went to my school reunion, and every single one of them had become a fireman”
“Dougal…are you sure you didn’t go to a fire station?
“Oh right”

Strob leaps like a salmon

And throws like something that throws things

Renwick defending

Strob carrying the corner flag – and a rare shot of Joel. Neither of whom seem to have been the photographer’s main aim

RENWICK: Joel, Walker, Strob, Steve, Piemonger (Jonny, ht), Phil, Conor, Mark, Simon, me, McClure (r: Piemonger, 60)

Last weekend saw that little bit of camp in the middle of the year that we like to call Reunion. It also saw the 36th Adult Conference, held at the Everglades Hotel, Londonderry. Having been gutted when I heard that David would be speaking in Londonderry at the same time as Camp, this report will also include the events of the Conference. However, before someone complains to Synod’s Committee on the Non-Use of Magical Items, I would like to point out that I wasn’t actually using anything to be in two places at once, so the report on the Conference may not be up to my usual high standards of factual journalism.

SENIOR CAMP REUNION – FRIDAY NIGHT

People arrive at Sheep Island View. However, it’s dark so Sheep Island isn’t actually Viewable. Punters realise that there is STILL no phone reception at the Youth Hostel. This hasn’t stopped plague-struck Joel texting people earlier to ask what the schedule is for tomorrow.
Our speaker gives the first talk, and can’t resist some pro-Ballymena comments which are guaranteed to com back and haunt him.
Andrew, obviously remembering his introductory comments last year, refrains from talking about Africa. However, remarks about lay-bys and those people native to a certain European country are probably best forgotten.

“What did it say on my love heart?”

Then comes Offy’s quiz, still proudly lacking any bells or whistles of any sort. The best team name is unquestionably ‘Peter Loughridge got lost on the way to the Adult Conference’. We hope Peter doesn’t take it seriously. I want to call our team ‘Nathan sort out that stupid beard’ but committee member Johnny overrules and calls us ‘Boston Red Sox’. Please. We stay in touch for most of the quiz, but eventually finish 3rd. A tiebreak of rock-paper-scissors is required between the top two teams, and it sees Andy McKelvo take on Naomi in an all-Renwick encounter. McKelvey injures himself in the warm-up. Not really. He loses the first clash, but goes on to win the best of 3.
After the quiz, Andrew attempted to gain some instant popularity (as if he needs it!) by announcing that bed-time would be half 1.

ADULT CONFERENCE – FRIDAY NIGHT

People arrive. They remark about how clean the air is compared to what they’re used to. Someone asks where PL is, and they’re told he finished up late at College. The first talk takes place, and everyone is left awestruck. The residents stay up into the wee small hours (well, 9:30) talking about glory days.

CAMP REUNION – SATURDAY

We wake up and realise that the [certain other European nation] haven’t murdered us in our beds. Good. Breakfast – Quiet Time – Talk – Discussion Groups – Lunch. Then most of us head to Ballyclabber, with a few going swimming and a few shopping. Renwick v. The Rest of the World didn’t really happen as I was the only Renwick player playing. Joel got in some reffing practice. Red-Card Loughridge played despite his suspension. The main match went to penalties (after the longest and most comical next-goal-wins ever), and I exorcised my penalty ghosts (as they say) by scoring in the 5aside nets (who nicked the proper ones?!), as did Brian Rankin, and we won. I was also the only person able to beat penalty-expert Nige from the spot!

The Rage doing what he does best in photos – pointing

The alternative to football…looks fun

Elsewhere there were defeats for Ballymena, Grange IIs, Conor’s team and UUC – more proof that leaving camp to play for some aul team isn’t a good idea! (Dundela were beat too, but we’ll let Offy off with it).
We then went back, had tea and waited about for 2 hours for the girls to get ready for the party. We then had said party, with the return to phone reception providing some interesting transfer news.

Andy thoroughly enjoyed himself with the sound effects

There is nothing behind this door…

Limbo Offy

Token skipping

Limbo George

Our leader

ADULT CONF – SATURDAY

The second talk of the weekend again leaves people amazed. “Hope someone is tape-recording this” remarks one old-timer. “Naw you want it on minidisc, I hear they’re the future” says another. In the afternoon, some people go on a Seige of Derry tour. Others maybe go and watch the mighty Stute demolish Ballinamallard. After the final talk someone comments “This fella should start a blog.” Despite the quizzical looks this earned, they have a point. Conversation moves on to who’s made it into the Covenanter Flats this year.

CAMP REUNION – SABBATH

We wake up to the smell of the expected fry. Huzzah. It’s announced at breakfast that peoples’ favourite John George will be leaving the committee. Much weeping and gnashing of teeth ensues.
We pack up and head for Cloughmills – the first service I had been at in the new building. They seem to have painted the banner blue since the Pilgrim Fathers were last in. Rumours that the window with the banner on it can be turned round and used as a bat signal (with a light shone through it from the church) to summon Jempho in time of need are unconfirmed.

Bat-signal

Jonny turns up, and tests reveal that he actually is the real Jonny and not Harry Potter’s brother or Jonny’s brother Jonny. The sermon temporarily leaves many young intellectuals wondering how you spell ‘read’ as in ‘read out the temple’.
We have lunch and John’s vote of thanks for it achieves instant legendary status.
Then we have a psalm sing and go home.

ADULT CONF – SABBATH

Some people go to Faughan. It’s the best experience of their lives.

Talks from both weekends will be appearing on rpc.org presently.

Senior Camp Reunion 2006

Renwick needed a last minute equaliser to get a draw against Welly Park (ig Derryvolgie Old Boys) today at Boucher Road. The Renwick team featured new signing Jonny McClure, who lived in Renwick for a few months in our first year. Jonny’s arrival caused a split in the management as to where to play him, with us eventually starting with Jonny and Mark in the middle and Conor on the left. Simon dropped back to left back. A hamstring injury to Joel saw Jonny play in nets again. When Welly Park finally turned up they featured a few players from the Derryvolgie team we beat earlier in the season.
Renwick started slowly, and Welly Park were apparently denied a stonewall penalty in the first minute, but their own boy was reffing so they can’t complain. They did take the lead about 10 minutes in however, when a corner was cleared to one of their players, whose drive across goal ended up in the back of the net. The ‘dream team’ of central midfield was immediately re-established and our debutant moved to left wing. After their goal we played much better, although didn’t really have any clear cut chances. A few long range efforts were the nearest we went to even testing their keeper, but they weren’t having any chances themselves. The best chance of the half was probably when AJ broke down the left, but his ball across towards me was palmed away by their keeper. Apart from that, there were a few corners and goalmouth scrambles, but the ball just wouldn’t fall to any of us. With 5 minutes left of the first half, they got a killer second, with about their 2nd shot of the match, a speculative effort which beat Jonny.

At half-time there wasn’t much to say apart from to keep on doing what we were doing. About 10 minutes into the half Piemonger came on for me and went to right-back, with Walker, still in search of his first Renwick goal, moving up front. AJ had a great chance to get one back when he beat a few defenders, but he apparently forgot to shoot and the keeper was able to come out and gather the ball. He then turned provider and played a ball across the box to the unmarked Walker who attempted some tap ups as he bundled the ball across the line. With about 15 minutes left Phil came off and I went back up front. Walker initially moved to right wing, but we ended up playing 4-3-3 which saw a few more chances come our way. Simon had a great chance, which he connected with well but hit at a nice height for the keeper who managed to save and hold on to the ball. AJ had a free kick from the left hand side just outside the area, which hit the wall. They also had a few chances, with Jonny pulling off some good saves. With 2 minutes left we were presented with a free kick about 35 yards out. Stevie flighted in the ball and I got away from Glen Kitson to poke it past the onrushing keeper, and the two Welly Park defenders who dived in to try and keep it out could only help it over the line. We nearly sneaked a winner as well, when a similar Stevie free kick hit the bar, but we couldn’t get the ball in and Joel blew up.

So our first ever draw. A disappointing result when you consider the performance – we clearly wanted it more, but you’ve got to be happy with an equaliser right at the end like that.

Token

AJ on the ball

Stran boy in non-limp wrist shocker!

Joel giving decisions to Renwick while looking the other way

RENWICK: Jonny, Walker, Strob, Stevie, Simon, Phil (r: me, 75), Jonny McCl, Conor, me (Piemonger, 55) , AJ

Institute’s one and a half month unbeaten run came to an end on Wednesday at the hands of Belfast Mini League highfliers Derry City. Renwick’s match squad was reduced to 11 after Jonny was up most of the night with bird-flu. Worries that a pandemic had hit Ulsterville rose when I joined in on Wednesday morning, but I felt that I couldn’t sit there and agree with whoever it was said Andy McKelvey should ‘just run off’ his ankle injury and then pull out myself at the first opportunity.
At the match itself, Renwick survived a few Derry City attacks before taking a shock lead when Strobert found himself in unfamiliar territory, towards the right edge of the Derry City box. Looking up and seeing me unmarked at the back post, his attempted cross flew over the despairing City keeper into the net. Naturally, he claims he meant it.

“There are no tanks”

Derry, one of the nicer bunches of lads we’ve played to be fair, were really losing it with each other at this stage, and piled forward to try and get one back. The equaliser came when a Derry ball into the box was only cleared as far as another one of their players who lashed it home. However, Renwick soon re-took the lead, as a ball into the box from Mark hit my backside and landed in the path of Phil who fired home, leaving the half-time score 2-1. AJ had also hit the bar.

For most of the second half all I was fit to do was run about aimlessly and try and stay onside rather than compose up-to-the-minute match reports in my head (and score great goals) as usual, plus my memory is fading as this is 2 days after the event, so I don’t really remember what their goals were like, suffice to say they scored twice and we didn’t. But all in all a good performance, from the other 10 at least, against a good side, and pretty gutting we didn’t get a least a draw.

Tirin’ auld work

AJ closed down quicker than a dead church

“You’re going the wrong way…” (Sadly the Derry players failed to rise to my Stute gloves)

PM and SM

Mark strides through the Candystripes’ midfield

[insert crossing joke here]

Down and out as our 2-game winning streak comes to an end

RENWICK: Joel, Walker, Strob, Token, Piemonger, Philip, Conor, Mark, Simon, me, AJ

Incidentally, according to the latest Messenger, Piemonger is a Centre Forward – it’s not my fault they can’t just leave articles the way people write them!